Thursday, April 30, 2009

losing weight

Sarah and I and a couple of friends have been challenging each other to loose weight since Jan 10 of this year. sarah and i have changed how we eat and we work out everyday or at least try to. We weigh in each month to see how much we have accomplished each month. I started this thing saying I just was ready to be smaller because I felt like I was getting to a scary size and weight. I was buying XXL shirts and sometimes having difficulty wearing dress shirts from department stores because they were not carrying a big enough size for me. I weighed in on Jan 10 at 274.4 pounds, which probably most people would not guess I weighed that much. I feel like I was on my way to 300 lbs if I did not change some things. So I did. I have not been drinking soft drinks, starbucks, sweet tea, or really anything but water for the most part. I have seriously cut portion sizes and typically eat healthy things. My diet consist of grapefruits, fiber one bars, sandwich & soups, and a healthy dinner. I probably drink 90 o. unces of water a day which is a lot of bathroom time. All this to say that these things are working. Middle of the morning today I weighed in at 225.0 lbs. Almost 50 lbs in 3 1/2 months. BUT. I have gotten to a place where I am scared now. I do not remember the last time I was smaller than 225 or so. Maybe my freshman year of high school I might have weighed 215-225, but I do not even remember for sure. I am not sure what I am going to look like being below 200 lbs. It sounds crazy to even talk about. I am scared that I will weigh that and still look at myself and think I am fatter than I want to be. I am scared that keeping myself that thin will beceome an obsession. I am scared that I will have lots of loose skin that I can not get rid of. Are these thoughts valid? Should they be considered? I do not know but as I continue to loose weight I continue to battle the inner struggles that kept me overweight and feeling like, "I am just a big guy." I just don't want to be the big guy in the room anymore. I want someone to look at me and say "hey little guy come over here" but I am still the guy called if they need something big or heavy moved because I am the big guy. These are my inner struggles currently as I strive to shred the fat & weight

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

true facts: in the past month i started buying fiber one bars because i get hungry before lunch, and i bought a few grapefruit to see if i like them. and i've been taking salad to work for lunch. that's funny that you have the same food routine as me.

- allison

Eric said...

Big props for losing that much weight. I have lost about 12 pounds since January 1 and the only, seriously only, thing I changed was my sweet tea addiction. I was in love with sweet tea and now am not even tempted by it. As you know Michelle and I are doing the 30 day shred workout so hopefully I continue to lose more. (My thoughts here, no research involve) I think your body will eventually get use to all the changes that are going on and you will finally start to settle at a weight. I do know that if you lose weigh more slowly the skin thing isn't an issue. Knowing how much I care about my body (even though I am over weigh) the shaggy skin thing would kill me. So I hope you don't get that stuff.

Don't forget I owe you a game of racquetball and you owe me a round of golf. Does Matt play golf? Also are you a disc golfer?

Anonymous said...

i'm proud of you and sarah! and i will pray for you to adjust to losing weight and to not go overboard but to just be healthy!

also, today i told laura how that week after easter, i ate like 10 or 11 cupcakes which is completely ridiculous haha. the sugar got me through my project (along with lots of caffeine and other junk) but shoot, this week (post-project) it has felt so nice to eat healthy again and not be drinking so much caffeine and eating so much nastiness every day.

--Emily

Sarah said...

don't be scared! You are doing great! And..

"come over here little guy"

**wink-wink**

:)